"Don't teach girls what to wear, teach boys not to rape", was a post that everyone liked and shared on facebook. We hated the men who raped and killed "Damini", we hate all men who think women are objects of lust. We hate men who don't respect women as equals.
But wait, what does the facebook post imply to? Do by any chance anyone out there think that the parents of the culprits coaxed them to rape? Will any sane person believe that a parent will teach a kid to rape? Where does the question of teach not to rape come from? I have a son and I really want to teach him how not to rape....so what do I do? As a parent all that I can do is teach him lessons in morality, behaviour and etiquette. I can teach him how to respect human being, why only women, he should respect men too! My job ends there, I cannot shadow him everywhere to give him moral lessons 24/7. He has to know right from wrong, he has to carve his own character. I can only support him in that.
So in doing that, am I teaching him how not to rape? I am not clear about this. I kept on thinking for all these months after the Delhi rape case - who is to be blamed? Of course the MEN who were involved in it but why are their parents being targeted? Just because they have a son or because it is easier to put on blame when the person is from the weaker section?
Everyday I see some posts which say how a SON should be brought up. My question is, who has seen how those men were brought up? Probably their parents never had the time, money or energy left to give them some moral lessons. I am not supporting their act, that was henious and they should be severly punished. What I want to say is what makes people blame the parents? I really want to know why parents of a boy child are made to feel like culprits whenever such incidents happen, whereas the parents of a girlchild are looked upon as victims.
I would say we all have kids and we all are trying our best to give them the best of everything, so such posts surely hurt. So now, I need to go and ensure I teach my son how not to rape.......... but how...... any idea? ......huffffff.......
But wait, what does the facebook post imply to? Do by any chance anyone out there think that the parents of the culprits coaxed them to rape? Will any sane person believe that a parent will teach a kid to rape? Where does the question of teach not to rape come from? I have a son and I really want to teach him how not to rape....so what do I do? As a parent all that I can do is teach him lessons in morality, behaviour and etiquette. I can teach him how to respect human being, why only women, he should respect men too! My job ends there, I cannot shadow him everywhere to give him moral lessons 24/7. He has to know right from wrong, he has to carve his own character. I can only support him in that.
So in doing that, am I teaching him how not to rape? I am not clear about this. I kept on thinking for all these months after the Delhi rape case - who is to be blamed? Of course the MEN who were involved in it but why are their parents being targeted? Just because they have a son or because it is easier to put on blame when the person is from the weaker section?
Everyday I see some posts which say how a SON should be brought up. My question is, who has seen how those men were brought up? Probably their parents never had the time, money or energy left to give them some moral lessons. I am not supporting their act, that was henious and they should be severly punished. What I want to say is what makes people blame the parents? I really want to know why parents of a boy child are made to feel like culprits whenever such incidents happen, whereas the parents of a girlchild are looked upon as victims.
I would say we all have kids and we all are trying our best to give them the best of everything, so such posts surely hurt. So now, I need to go and ensure I teach my son how not to rape.......... but how...... any idea? ......huffffff.......
Arey San, I believe, it means that let not parents omit the conversation of "consensual sex" with their sons, which is fair, if daughters are taught about "safety". Today, the surroundings and peers can be a coercive force for letting kids do crazy things and it could be as simple as abusing animals. As long as one teaches them sensitivity, the kids shall be raised well.
ReplyDeleteAs far as sharing on FB goes, I am not sure how it helps in the field. But unless Aamir Khan wouldn't have taken 'child sexual abuse' to national television, nobody would have even been aware of how kids can be educated about inappropriate touching.
I agree Jeevan, but then all parents give the best of everything to their child.... so a post like teach your son this, teach your son that..... really hurt..... and I agree with you on the consensual sex part .....
ReplyDeleteSanhi..don't take it personally. Knowing you, your son will have utmost respect for everyone. It's that our society in general still favours the male child and boys often grow up thinking they are superior to their female siblings...or any female in general. The responsibility for a balanced upbringing lies both mothers and fathers, I think its unfair to put the onus on the mother of a boy. After all our daughter's will also become mothers one day and teach their children. I think teachers are a huge influence as well in this matter.
ReplyDeletewhat I think is that after a certain point it is in the hands of the child to know right from wrong...... parents cannot be blamed..... we don't keep on praising Mahatma Gandhi's parents because of his achievements, so if we don't praise the parents we should stop blaming too.....
DeleteSan- Children are keen observers. They learn by observation more than by anything else. While there is a consumerism of sex and libido (my goodness I did not even know deodrant were a turn on for women,in our days we had only rexona)somewhere we still don't discuss sex with children. We still change channels when a steamy scene pops up,we still fidget when our kids asks why the actor uncle put the tongue in the actress aunties mouth,and many more embarrassing questions. While I agree parents cannot be blamed for kids actions,still I believe this generation needs friends more than people who will tell them what to do as parents. Our kids will pick up the non verbal ques more than instructions. My belief,and I may be wrong,we need training in discussing sex, relationships etc with this generation than anything else. However this does not guarantee zero rape. The US of A still accounts for large number of rapes,a society where consensual sex and sex education is common. This is a disease but I guess we as a society have not yet tried the vaccination of education.
ReplyDeleteWell I agree and disagree on this Mridul..... yes we should educate our kids on sex. But how can we educate them so much that rape stops in our country? As you mentioned correctly that it is prevalent in countries that are developed and where sex education is a part of the curriculum. So, we all have to agree that a parent cannot ensure completely that his son will not rape!! aah that sounded bad, I know!!
DeleteSanhi..at the end, only the law can stop rape. Unless the rapist fears the outcome of his act, he won't stop.
ReplyDelete